Circle of Joy
March 2014
On June
26th 2013 I was told that I had breast cancer. My life as I knew it
had ended. Nowhere in my life plan was
cancer a conscious choice, but at the age of 43 there it was, a lump the size
of a golf ball glaring at me. For the
first time in my life I completely let go.
It was a whirlwind of Doctors, surgeries, scans, tests and people came
from everywhere to help heal me. Writing
was a great help in constructively dealing with my emotions. I published a book of Poetry while I was
going through cancer treatment.
I wrote
this towards the end of my treatment.
Lump in the road
I
was flying high
Healthy
and fit
And
then I tripped
There
was a big lump
Totally
unexpected
It
stopped me in my tracks
You
have cancer
Said
a distant tunneled voice
My
life shattered
A
whirlwind of pain
Lots
of Doctors in my face
Tests
after tests, so much information
My
world became so small
All
I could focus on
Was
surviving and not fall
I
had my trusted partner
Always
by my side
My
darling girl so strong holding my hand
And
then my Angels came
Angels
from heaven
Angels
from earth
They
came as family, neighbours, clients and friends
They
came with words, food, packs, cards and love
They
came and they healed
All
my energy I had focused on others
Was
immersed and focused only on one
I
worked on the inside out
Meditation
became my daily mantra
I
shielded myself from the darkness
I
hid myself when I could not face others
First
there was conventional war fare – the lump was sliced out
Second
there was chemical war fare – poison within
Third
there was nuclear war fare – radiated until my skin glowed
My
eastern healers complimented the war fare
With
soft crystals, massage
And
good council
My
treatment is still going
Though
each day I start to see the light
Hope
that I will be stronger – my spirit, my body, my heart and my mind
I
am no longer in a hurry
My
world has slowed totally down
I
savour my daughter’s smiles, my partner’s kisses and my puppy dog’s love
I
am living in the moment
With
a constructive mind
Happy
to be alive one day at a time
It
is now nearly two years since I was diagnosed and I am ready to face the world
more and rekindle my joy.
The
Gift Cancer Provides
I
always thought I had a well-balanced life and was healthy, but I was
wrong. So much of my day to day energy
was being directed outwardly to clients, staff, family, friends, mother mafia,
community and too little was directed internally to me. There were too many
‘shoulds’ in my life, I wasn’t being kind to myself. Cancer provided me with
the opportunity to release all. I shed
the lump, hair, dignity, humility, work, control, friends who weren’t really
friends, family members who really didn’t care and stripped back to my core
being. What was left? Pure light energy
and joy, it was hiding all the time and I was too busy to notice, nurture and
be it.
I
am now very selective of whom and what enters my life and my circle of
joy. My life is slower and I love this. I am no longer busy. I am even more present and quite discerning on
who I work with and who I befriend. A harsh, over pleasing, martyr part of me
has been released. I don’t need her
anymore.
I
created a 30 year life intentions plan and my wonderful husband and daughter
added their intentions. We have it on a
piece of butcher paper in our bedroom to remind us of all the things we want to
experience. For me it represents hope to
have something to live for.
Some
tips I would like to share with anyone who is going through a health scare or
if you have loved ones experiencing cancer:
1. Don’t fight the cancer, acknowledge it,
accept it, thank it and then release it (visualise the lump disappearing and
the chemo and radiation killing off any dregs). Put all your energy into being
well. Have a healing mindset, heal yourself and accept healing from all around
you.
2. Switch your mindset into constructive zone –
there will be many bad days, but do not go over them and dwell on them. Mix chemo sessions with a facial, favourite
food, funny movie and whatever can make you feel happy. Appreciate the days you can get out of bed
and be grateful of the blessing of life itself. Immerse yourself with love and your
favourite things.
3. Get your best western and eastern healing
team. I combined surgery, chemotherapy,
radiation therapy with crystal healing, acupuncture, Chinese medicine,
meditation and massage.
4. Get your partner to guard you from
well-meaning friends and family who pop up out of the wood work. You cannot spare any energy on them.
5. Receive help – food, care packages, cards, books,
DVDs, taking care of children, taking care of husband… You know you would be
there for others and now it is your turn to receive.
6. Always have someone with you when seeing
Doctors or receiving treatment – too much is going on to be on your own and
mistakes can happen.
7. When you have had a blessed life it is easy
to say that is enough and let go – BUT renew your hope to live and focus on WHO
still needs you and what YOU still need to experience. My daughter Siena saved my life she was 7
when I got cancer, she was my motivation to live.
8. Have a dog by your side – your Chief
Happiness Officer. My Jack Russell
Terrier lay by my side while I was recovering through chemotherapy and
unconditionally licked my tears when I was sad. She was and is my companion in
healing.
9. Disease is a universal wake-up call –
remember what is most important for you and let the rest go…
10. Have courage, you need every ounce of your
strength to get through this.
I wake
up every morning feeling blessed to be alive.
I nurture and put energy into my own well-being. I am now having enough energy to give to
others, sparingly and selectively. I see healing and well-being as my on-going
work in progress. I am extremely mindful of whom I work with, help and choose
clients with aligned values and who have the desire to grow and learn.
I am not
delusional; my western doctor visits are very good at reminding me of my on-going
risks. I am choosing not to focus on the
risks, this only brings sadness and fear.
I am
choosing to be as healthy and joyful as I can be one day at a time. Thank you
to all my Angels that have helped me and continue to be part of my circle of
joy. I hope you don’t have a circle of
sadness, anger, boredom, frustration, apathy – life it too precious. I hope you
have your own circle of joy.
